I will never forget the phone call…….my wife’s dad saying to show up at his house tomorrow, 6 a.m.. “We’re putting on a new roof!” No questions asked, nor did he ask if we had plans? Just a short order, military style demand, which he had done for years until that day. It took all my courage as a young man but I knew I had to stand up to him. I did it strongly but not rude. I said, “No, we can’t do that PaPa, you’re gonna have to ask me.”
For two days we heard nothing, my wife cried in fear her dad would never talk to us again. She was patient and nervous but the call came.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask if ya’ll were busy, I know ya’ll have your own family.” If she would have called and apologized for my “behavior”, it would have erased the strength I mustered up in the first place. I was so proud of her and even happier that her dad now saw the new boundaries we had established.
Signs You May Need Boundaries
- Your conversation always begins with…”Well, my parents think we should….”
- You are scared to tell others, “NO”
- You find yourself always changing the plans that you and your spouse have already made
- You have secretly sent money to kids, sisters, parents, without disguising it first
- Your stomach churns because you are trying to make everyone happy
- Your boss knows you are always at his beckon call,even if it’s late at night, on days off, or vacation time.
If any of these signs stick out to you or if they’re something you’d like to know more about you might want to check out Henry Cloud’s book…..wait for it…..BOUNDARIES. It’s on our shelf and we often recommend it to couple who may struggle in this area………………..
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This excerpt is from a book that Wendel and I just completed together. I feel like we just made this really good meal and are about to invite you over to eat with us. My stomach churns with excitement as I reread the words above. I remember that day when my husband told my dad he would have to ask for our help, the first boundaries we set up as a married couple. I remember and smile thinking about how nervous and scared I was. Scared mainly, my dad didn’t like for anyone to tell him no, and I cringed at the thought of him getting in his pickup and driving out to our place. I could see him, red faced and cussing as he pulled up in the drive.
But wait, that didn’t happen, nor did so many things we feared. It isn’t easy to stand on your own as a family. Sometimes you imagine the very worse. I saw Hatfields and McCoys, but God saw something different.
I can’t tell you that this book is perfect. I can’t say that we know it all, have our marriage counseling certification, or that we are any better than you. I can say, we are amazed at the good work God has done in us and will do for you too. I can say with confidence that I love my man more than the day I married him.
You can find out more about the SIX AREAS, we talk about in our book, 30 Ways To A Confident Marriage in the days to come, but for now……here’s a sneak peek.
In the six areas you will find things like………
- Signs You May Need Boundaries
- The Benefits of Godly Parents…the Heritage of Family
- Financial Confidence in Marriage
- God the Designer of Marriage
- The Benefits of Praying Together as a Married Couple
- Making a Family Creed
- Why Work Matters
- Beauty, More Than Skin Deep
This book is a gathering of information. Not all our own, but through the years the information that we value, that we used and that worked!!! It not only worked for us but for many of our friends, and for couples we’ve counseled. We hope that you will read it and that you can use it too.
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