Passion!! Aww yes! It’s the thing that keeps the home fires burning. It seems easy for newlyweds right? There they are, always kissing on each other and holding hands….someone usually yells….”HEY, get a room!!” Maybe we even get a little jealous when we see that couple and long for more passion in our own relationship.
1.strong and barely controllable emotion.“a man of impetuous passion”
2.the suffering and death of Jesus.“meditations on the Passion of Christ”synonyms:
crucifixion, suffering, agony, martyrdom“the Passion of Christ”
I love those! A strong and barely controllable emotion. Can you remember a time when you had something or someone you were passionate about. It’s takes residence in your mind, you’re obsessed….hopefully not stalker obsessed but none the less. Passion is described as such a strong emotion that it’s hard to control. That’s why we see newlyweds that can’t be more than two inches apart. That’s why we see someone who is passionate about their calling, or business, or family, or whatever else drive their crazy forces. A teacher who is passionate will have her class excited to show up because they can’t wait to see what’s next. A pastor that’s passionate for Christ will have others getting up to go to church. A sales person, a mom, a dad….it’s not hard to recognize but it’s the one ingredient that is sometimes missing in our marriages.
So how do we get that passion back in our relationship if it’s dwindling in enthusiasm. What if we even fill like the spark is just that last little bit of coal at the bottom of a hunk of ashes. You may even wonder if it’s worth it. And my answer would be yes!! Not only yes but HECK YES!! But passion isn’t something that will magically appear one day. It will take a little fanning of flames to get that fire rolling again. Great marriages don’t just happen…..they are built. They take tending the fire!!
Here’s what has worked for us…..
1. Give it to God. If you are not feeling it……believe it. That’s right, God gives us the instruction to believe we receive it when we pray for it. Now I’m not a name and claim it person but if it lines up with the Word of God, we have every right, as His children take ahold of it!!
2. Visually See It. Negative thoughts can fill dusty corners of our minds when it comes to our spouses. We are quick to remember mistakes or have pity parties. We have to see what could be, what use to be, or what we desire as becoming a reality.
3. Practice. Has it been awhile since you’ve noticed your spouse. Come on….I mean really notice them. Check them out…that’s right….check out not only physical attributes but character attributes as well. We have permission to fantasize about our spouse and it is totally aloud. It is the only fantasy about the opposite sex that we should be having!! Don’t allow distractions such as Facebook, twitter, television, or work, crowd out one of the most important relationships in your life. Now, do something about it. Tell them, make a pass at them….good gosh, get off the COUCH!!
4. Be Your Best You. Lets be real, sometimes it’s hard to be passionate, if we aren’t to crazy about ourselves. It’s not that I want you size 2 and pumped up with collagen but except yourself…flaws and all and give God glory! But honestly, beating up on yourself is not a turn on! Build character, build integrity, build grace, and dress up the rest. Put effort into the dressing part remembering it is only the frosting, we came for cake!
4. Go First. When counseling couples we often run into some damage control. A spouse that has word vomited, a dull relationship, a dispute about the kids, or simple ignoring one another but regardless someone has to make the first step to restore passion. It may be hard, you may not want to do it…..but take the first, second, third, or fifteenth step and see what happens. Begin sewing and pretty soon you’ll see a results.
5. Celebrate Passion. I’m going to say something that might be shocking and outside of what I usually write about but here it goes! Your husband likes sex! But you might be surprise to know that it is more than just sex to him, it is connection. Ladies if you are struggling in this area, as strange or outlandish as this may seem, you can pray about this as well. Song of Solomon is about much more than a bride and her groom, it’s about the bride of Christ, the church…..but it’s also about the gift of relationship. That relationship goes both ways…..so work together to meet each others needs. Now, when you have wins in passion, celebrate. Celebrate the phone calls to say, “I love you!”, celebrate when he gets up to help with dinner. Celebrate often, celebrate on Monday, celebrate with cake….do what ever the heck floats your boat…but celebrate for goodness sakes!!!
Finally, give your celebrations to God, every trial, every flaw, every win….give credit where it’s due. A thankful heart is good like medicine…..so everyday, do just that. l
Say out loud to God all that you’re thankful for and believe me, you will be on your way to putting passion back in your marriage. Hope this is helpful and don’t lose heart…..because that’s really what passion is all about.
What do you do to put passion back in your marriage? I can’t wait to hear what you have to say, thecowboypastorswife.