I have been wanting to write this for a long time. I wanted to make sure though that I could be as real, as authentic as possible without being over the top. Not…I repeat, NOT trying to get you to “feel” sorry for me. I don’t know if I can even say it properly but I’m gonna try. Now whether I push “publish” is another issue….If you’re reading this…obviously I took the dive.
A pastor’s wife is a lonely calling. A life where you are surrounded by people but yet alone. You are expected to live a certain way, always be encouraging, welcoming, happy, you know..have a scripture for everything. But if you fake it, that’s not good either. You are also expected to be a mind reader of sorts. You are suppose to magically know if someone is in the hospital, had a death in the family, or had a baby. Even if you don’t see it on social media…because you were out doing your other job on the ranch and missed it somehow.
You are expected to not want anything more for your family in some circles, not all..but if you try to generate more income, so you can actually put some money away incase you have to find a new ranch job and suddenly are faced with having to lease or rent something that at the low end, is almost half your income. Don’t get me wrong, God has always and will always provide…He’s never left us, so I don’t see Him suddenly abandoning us because we haven’t performed “to standards”. Some do have a way of heaping guilt on you though if you find ways to do what you love and try and make money at it.
You don’t share a thing…not even a little about what someone is going through. Whether it’s a marriage that won’t make it, an affair, someone’s kid on drugs, or even the simple things like someone thinking about taking another job. You know that could be a real killer to someone’s privacy and gossip is the death of you. You avoid it at all cost!
You see your husband in his down times. The real down times when he doesn’t want to admit he’s hit a snag, or is unmotivated, or even distant. Times of escape into t.v. or the iphone. When he can’t get aholt of what he thinks might solve it. And just for a little while doesn’t want to think about it. I don’t blame him and have even gone there myself.
You see how people treat you differently when your pastor husband is not by your side. Some totally ignoring or even being rude. Most folks are amazing but those who don’t really know me don’t take the time to.
You wonder if you did something, said something, didn’t do enough, did too much…when someone that use to be a regular in church no longer comes and when you ask, you get the feeling they are not telling the truth.
You want to know you make a difference. You want to know that it’s all worth it. That when people commit to follow Christ that they really mean it, that they want relationship not religion.
You want people to know that you love the church, want to be at activities of the church but sometimes can’t make it. Sometimes you don’t want to be on every team. Sometimes your own family is struggling and you’d rather hide.
You don’t want to know about the church’s finances (and you are thankful you don’t)…it just would add to pile of things you’d rather not think about.
You really want to say hi to the lady who finally came back to church but your friend thinks you’re putting her off if you don’t visit with her instead and she doesn’t come back to church after that. You wonder how in the world people became so sensitive.
You see the difference when introduced by name alone versus “this is the pastor’s wife”…not that you’re not proud of that title but doesn’t everyone, no matter their title want to be important.
You want people to know that someone at church will offend you at some time but God never fails. But you see them easily get offended at each other. It’s funny how someone can work with someone they don’t like. They can have their kid on a baseball team with a parent they can’t stand. And they can even get together with family members that drive them crazy but somehow they think perfect people go to church. Social media church seems easier to those who won’t risk real feelings and opt for virtual ones instead.
I honestly can not imagine doing anything else. I wouldn’t want to. Even in not so good days, I don’t want to give up and neither does my husband. But you just want someone to understand the truth behind what it’s really like. Sure, we love counseling couples, or helping someone’s family work out rough spots. WE love seeing new babies, and people step up to work in their calling. We also love to see the excitement of new believers, baptisms, and people gathering to learn about Jesus. We won’t stop no matter what we might “feel”. We know someday, even as imperfectly we’ve worked out our calling, there will be a reward. There will be a final call. There will be those who are in Heaven because we introduced them to Jesus. We don’t want a hand out or a hand clap…. we just want people to know….we need to hear…”Press on…Keep heading towards the PRIZE!” To be encouraged just like you, to be asked about our family, to be normal when we aren’t happy go lucky all the time. To know that we are only part of the body of Christ… one small part among many different members. We need others as much as they need us.
I want to thank ya’ll for reading, your pastor’s wife may feel the same….she may not but whatever the case…it never hurts to encourage the pastor’s family and to tell them to keep up the good work. All of us can use this encouragement towards the bigger reward. We all could stand to hear, “Press on…keep heading towards the prize.”
“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
Phil. 3:14
Who do you need to encourage today? Is it a family member who’s working hard to make ends meet? Is it a young mother who needs to hear, keep going…your toddlers will not be the death of you but your role matters. Is it a grandparent who feels forgotten and nobody wants to hear their stories? Whoever it might be remind someone today…Keep pressing on!
Thank you again fo reading…..thecowboypastorswife
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